The Overlooked in Weddings: The Grooms
When I first visited a wedding venue with my then-fiancé in April 2025, I encountered, for the first time, a behavior that has become deeply normalized in the wedding industry over the years: the disregard for the groom. At no point during the visit did the person responsible for the venue even look at my partner, despite my arm being linked with his.
A bride of mine once told me that when her fiancé shared his opinion about the wedding décor, the decorator said: “Leave the opinions to the bride, the groom just pays.”
Why does it seem so easy to ignore the man who is also a protagonist of the day?
This entire world has always been pushed toward women through fairy tales, princess movies, toys, and bridal fantasies, while men have traditionally been taught to ignore emotional and family-related elements, being more encouraged to focus on work and personal interests and to avoid involvement with anything considered part of the “feminine world.”
However, more recent generations of fathers and husbands have been becoming, even if gradually, more involved in building their families.
Fortunately, most of my brides are with men who want to participate and dream together. What it seems to me is that the industry is having some difficulty keeping up with the evolution of some men, particularly older vendors who have spent years working with men who were disconnected from their partners.
At first, it may seem harmless, but if we think about it carefully, we understand that this lack of consideration for the groom’s wishes can negatively affect his perception of the entire experience. If he initially believes he is in a safe place to express how he also wants to experience this day, he should not have to encounter a service provider he has just met telling him: “Your opinion doesn’t matter.”
One of the grooms I met showed me a Pinterest board he had created on his own, filled with his own ideas for their celebration, all wonderful and thoughtfully planned, telling the story of the couple.
Another groom told me that getting married had always been much more of his dream than his partner’s, so he was the one who spoke more with vendors about the wedding decisions.
My husband took care of much of the wedding stationery because he has a more detail-oriented eye than I do, and he also wanted to take responsibility for the thank-you speeches.
Because of that, I am the kind of vendor who does not charge an extra fee if the groom discreetly asks me to cover a blemish that appeared on the day or to conceal his dark circles after an anxious, sleepless night.
How could I deny a request from men who make my brides so happy? Requests that come from the same reason: they also want to feel good so they can enjoy the day.
Fortunately, we are beginning to see, even if gradually, more sensitive, dreamy, and emotionally present men among us. If they choose to embrace fatherhood responsibly, they will raise more people in this world who are like them.
Therefore, it is more than time for us to have vendors who are up to date and open to understanding the profile of the couple who hired them, before judging them and simply following the path they are accustomed to.
