The Pleasure of Watching the Bride Suffer: How Far Is Too Far When It Comes to Emotion on the Wedding Day?
There is something in the world of weddings that has never been given a name, but I call it “the fetish with the bride’s suffering.”
It always goes like this: the Bride is doing well, enjoying herself during the getting-ready process, becoming emotional when she receives the bouquet of flowers from the Groom… and then another gift arrives, one that breaks her. A locket, a painting, or a special item carrying the memory of a loved one who has passed away, or referencing a painful memory from her past. Not to mention the people who insist on bringing up bad news she never even needed to hear. I have often heard people say, “This will definitely make her cry.” And let’s be clear: wanting her to become emotional is very different from wanting her to feel pain!
And do you know what’s even worse? These “gifts” are usually given when the Bride is already ready, less than an hour before she is due to walk into her ceremony. You cannot imagine how many women I have had to help calm down shortly before their weddings because they simply could not regulate their emotions that easily. Some gifts can unsettle someone to the point of triggering an anxiety attack. How can we expect the Bride to walk into her ceremony feeling 100% well and happy after being emotionally destabilized to that extent? I repeat: becoming emotional with happiness is different from crying out of sadness.
It is as if people want to intensify the emotions that naturally come with the day even further, making the Bride even more vulnerable than she already is. At my own Wedding, I chose to give all the more emotional gifts before the big day. That way, I could focus solely on positive feelings and have peace of mind, without needing to take a few minutes away from getting ready to compose myself. Fortunately, everyone around me had the good sense to keep the energy positive throughout the entire day.
I once had a Bride who had to lock herself in the bathroom for about 15 minutes after receiving a beautiful locket containing a photo of her grandmother, who had passed away just one month before the Wedding. They chose to give it to her 30 minutes before she was due to walk down the aisle.
Understand that the problem is not necessarily the gift itself, but the timing of the delivery. We can never assume that, on such a sensitive day, the Bride and Groom will be able to receive any gift calmly.
What if we thought a little more about the need to do everything in front of the cameras? About expecting her to be ready to have a big reaction? Gifts that may cause emotional turmoil can easily be given earlier, allowing a few hours for the Bride to process what she is feeling or, to avoid any risks, they can simply be given during the week leading up to the event.
The Wedding day is so, so precious that it needs to be protected. We only have one chance to make it happen and get it right. So, there are “surprises” that need to be better planned to ensure that the Bride feels well and loved, rather than walking down the aisle with a broken heart.
