The Perfect Wedding Doesn’t Exist — and Maybe That’s the Best Part

Bonjour, my dear readers. Back as a married woman! Chic, isn’t it?

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Today, I bring you a reflection I had right after my wedding, which then became part of a discussion in my bridal group: the expectations we carry throughout the wedding planning process regarding the day itself, the guests, the vendors, and every detail involved in the event may actually be responsible for our disappointment with the experience.

As a bride, I can confidently say that my wedding was perfect. It was the most emotional day of my life, and I would do it all over again without hesitation. However, as a VENDOR, the story is different. On the wedding day itself and in the weeks that followed, I learned about many things that had gone wrong, which is completely normal at any event. Several things didn’t go according to plan, mostly small details, but neither my husband nor I are the kind of people who are easily shaken by life’s spontaneity.

At one point during dinner, a rather complicated situation between some of my vendors left me extremely tense. I even started feeling a little unwell, but I took a deep breath and decided that I was going to enjoy the day, no matter what happened.

Other brides, however, including some of my own clients, become devastated and spend much of their honeymoons crying when they realize that certain details didn’t go as planned. And let me be clear: I’m talking about details, not serious vendor mistakes, such as losing the wedding photos, ruining the décor, or a dress with a broken zipper.

Here’s an example: we had newspapers made for the bride and groom that were supposed to be placed underneath the plates, so guests would find them as soon as they sat down for dinner. However, our venue forgot about them and never placed them where they were supposed to go.

As soon as my husband noticed, we grabbed the newspapers that were still in the box, walked into the reception in the middle of dinner, and shouted, “EXTRA! EXTRA!” We had the pleasure of personally handing them to each of our guests. It became a memorable, hilarious, and completely spontaneous moment. That’s how we see things. Another bride might have been heartbroken because they weren’t placed exactly where they had been planned.

Another example comes from a wedding I worked at last week. The DJ played the wrong song for the processional and wanted to argue with the bride and the wedding planning team just seconds before her entrance. Fortunately for this bride, her planner defended her fiercely and acted quickly when she realized the DJ was being stubborn.

This was the kind of mistake that every guest notices and that could have been avoided if the “professional” had carefully read the planner’s briefing. Two days later, when I spoke to the bride, she told me that her day had been wonderful and that she would live it all over again! You would never have guessed that, just 48 hours earlier, she had been arguing with her DJ at the entrance to her ceremony.

A friend of mine who got married in 2022 still remembers expecting to receive more than R$15,000 in wedding gifts, but she received “only” R$9,000. Or one of my brides from 2023, who is still upset to this day because her veil covered the tattoo on her back during the ceremony. Or another friend who walked down the aisle toward her groom faster than she had planned.

All of these stories have the same factor in common: high expectations surrounding elements that cannot be controlled.

You never know how much your guests are going to give you as a wedding gift. You never know what circumstances they may be facing. If you fell in love with a long veil, obviously it is going to cover your back during the short time you wear it, but it will also make you look spectacular. And if you walk toward your groom faster than expected, perhaps it’s simply because you wanted to reach him as quickly as possible — which I found incredibly romantic.

In other words, what defines how perfect your day will be is you and your ability to let things flow.

There are things you simply cannot control. You also need to understand that not every unexpected situation requires someone to be held responsible. Sometimes, it isn’t anyone’s fault. It’s simply the way the day unfolded.

The fewer expectations you have, the more you allow yourself to be surprised, and the better you become at reframing unexpected moments, the more unforgettable your experience will be.

Remember the true essence of the day: bringing together the people you love on the day you chose to begin your journey as a couple.